I get asked a lot about where my motivation to change came from. Because, let's be real, even I can't deny that it took a LOT of hard work and persistence and determination to healthily shed 135 pounds. And my answers to these questions from loving, inquiring friends and strangers changes with time as I get to know and understand myself better and how God really does love and care for each of us. This is my latest revelation.
Where does my motivation to change come from?
It comes from lots of places. God. Life Experiences. Dreams.
The question I think people are really asking when they ask about motivation to change is rather, they want to know if I experienced God as a lightening strike and if so, what that lightening strike wake up call was for me to get my life together and stop eating myself into an early grave. Because, God knows, that is what I was doing. Food had become my best friend and it was destroying my body, my relationships, and my soul. And I was only 27.
The short answer is: No. There was no lightening strike.
Actually, it was quite the opposite. In the summer of 2010 I was completing my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program in Milwaukee and thought it might be nice to hit the gym again and swim off some of that stress I knew would come with learning and working in a level two trauma center. Two or three weeks went by and I was definitely tired and stressed and I definitely had not hit the gym. I continued to go for more awesome things like frozen custard. I mean, it was summer in Wisconsin after all!
One afternoon or evening; I really have no recollection of what day of the week it was, my cousin and I were watching TV and she starts to get up off the couch and says "Ok, let's just go check it out. It's only a tour." And so we went and we toured the Wisconsin Athletic Club and as we were leaving I will never forget Piper, the membership guy we talked to, tell me as I walked out the door, "You better come back before that guest pass expires and get your student membership for the summer." A week later, without an appointment or having a clue about anything, I walked back in and there was Piper. We sat down and we talked a little bit and I got my membership. Then I noticed a sign that said new members get two free personal training sessions. I inquired about that and the Bible verse "ask and you shall receive" comes to mind because not only did I get two free sessions, but once I completed those I got a certificate for another one or something like that. But what I really got were two new friends, an amazing coach, and an unbelievable support system to help pull me out of a pretty hopeless place.
Joining the gym wasn't going to be enough to move me from where I was to where I kinda knew God wanted me to go. A few days later, I met Jeremy G., my trainer who took me by his side and guided me on a new path. He taught me how to exercise, modifying a lot of things in the beginning so that I could do them, helped me understand food and nutrition and how our bodies react to not only the specific food we eat, but also how our brains react to different types of nutrients and chemicals. I learned to push myself to try new things. I learned to trust again, knowing that he would catch that barbell if I failed and that he didn't care if I wasn't good at something (oh, burpees, we might never be friends) so long as I tried. And when I accomplished a goal, we celebrated. Then we focused on the next goal. We celebrated again. When I was away from Milwaukee, we kept in touch by email.
My motivation to transform is best described as an experience of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. As I reflect on it, now nearly two years since I first set foot in the WAC, that's really what it was like. Something beyond me, call it God, call it fate, call it chance; whatever it is, happened. People came into my life and in a very loving way took me by the arm and showed me a new path. I'm really thankful and blessed God showed up when God did.
Now I continue on the transformation path. The motivation to keep going comes from faith, experience and knowledge, new friendships and coaches, and learning to trust myself to work hard, but also to know when to reach out because the fear of relapse may never go away.
May you be blessed with faith, health, and joy all the days of your life!
